05/24/07

Coping with Cancer

The latest information

I was seen by my doctor a few days ago when she called to give me the results of a recent body scan. It was to the effect that there was no evidence of cancer.  Did this mean that I was cured? That question was not answered unequivocally in the affirmative. The fact that I had to continue with the hormone therapy, made me wonder. In the light of what I have said in the following recent paragraph, is this a case of remission rather than cure? I have yet to find out. Recent blood tests confirm the fact that the cancer reading is very low.

Perhaps the time has come for me to add to this page.

I must admit to the fact that I google. Some information is hard to come by, and having the assistance of google, has been the answer. I have commented earlier in this page, as to the speculation one gives way to when diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was advised to have Hormone Therapy. Researching this treatment, I have discovered that there is a view that the benefits by way of halting the growth of the cancer only lasts approximately two years. That about covers the time I have been having treatment. Now I find myself speculating as to the nature of the changes I now notice. Pains in various parts of the body, and a strange effect on my legs. Is the latter due to diabetes? A medical friend of mine suggested that it may be that the cancer has found its way into the spine, and in consequence the nerves to the legs have been affected. I am due for another implant in a few weeks time and a blood test may give some indication as to the nature of the changes. I will take the opportunity of seeking a discussion with my doctor, who will be undertaking the insertion of the implant. I will then be able to say more.

I must admit to te fact that I google.

Inspired by the story of Aaron MacMillan.

Perhaps you were not fortunate enough to watch Australia Story the ABC TV programme that was screened tonight - Monday October 9. It concerned the experiences of a young concert pianist Aaron MacMillan who, was diagnosed with - and is suffering from -  massive cancer of the bones. Repeatedly his doctor and the specialists had told him that he had but a few months to live. He was not so sure, and determined that he would defy their predictions. He had his last operation eleven days ago, just before he was too racked with pain to play at the Sydney Opera House, where other performers had to take his place. Since I  am having treatment for cancer I was more than interested in his story, but as it unfolded I was more than interested, I was inspired by his courage, and his commitment to life. I am not in the same street as Aaron MacMillan, but one of his remarks has stayed with me. He stated that he believed a positive attitude could have better therapeutic purposes than all the medication and scans his illness had compelled him to have.

Those who have read this page will know how often I have emphasised what he stated. His friends speak of a miracle in his case. I have no such expectation. Having lived beyond 93 I have no right to. However, there are still things I want to do; issues I wish to follow; events  l like to follow and people (especially Mona) I love to see. The positive attitude of which Aaron MacMillan spoke has served to deepen these resolves. Time will tell.

**************

Where  next?

One asks the question repeatedly. I suppose those with cancer often ask what the future holds. My concern is to know what the immediate future might have to say. I suffer no pain. I am not noticeably tired having in mind my age, and I have no external symptoms from which to draw conclusions. I had surgery the other day for the removal of a cancer (basel) on the nose, but was assured that there was no connection between what developed on my nose and the prostate cancer. My doctor stated after the last blood test that the prostate count was low. Yet I wonder from what point is it low? And what does low mean.? I guess one is tempted to think of remission. However, that also suggests 'how long has the remission to be before it is significant'?. I will comment further when I have anything useful to add.

I am giving a Synopsis to save the time of those  who wish to consider one aspect of the subject, without having to scroll to find it.

      Cancer - The reaction to the diagnosis

      The matter of Faith Healing

      Side Effects

      Thinking beyond the Problem

       Looking ahead

       What do others think?

       Aspects of the Parable of the Good Samaritan

       The matter of Moods

        Further thoughts on Moods

        Ten ways not to waste your Cancer

        Thoughts on Trade Unionism

         Battling Boredom

Reaction to the Diagnosis

I have been diagnosed with cancer. Perhaps it may help others if I share my feelings about the condition with them. It will be in the form of a diary – recording emotions, physical experiences and my attitude to the shaping of events.

Cancer The word has something sinister about it. Add the adjectives malignant,  and insidious, and it takes on a darker shade of meaning. I have watched many of the people for whom I have had pastoral care suffer from, and eventually succumb to the disease. Such  have been painful experiences for me. Calling on  cancer sufferers; sharing in some small measure in their experiences as they have received chemotherapy, and then eventually died, is not an easy thing to do. What does one say to such sufferers? Is it all dealt with by the reading of an appropriate passage from the Bible and a word of prayer? One comes away from such occasions with a measure of quiet confidence that some good has come of it.

There have been occasions when the sufferer has clung to the promise of James 5,14 “Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:  and the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up.”

I have been asked to do this on three occasions. It was, I sensed, a last  resort, other treatment had not been successful  - although in the case of one,  a fellow minister of the Gospel, I did not think so. He thought it right to obey the scripture. In each case I took care to explain that it may not be in the will of God to heal. Having spoken with some who had been to a faith healing service, and there assured that they were healed, I could not say I shared the confidence of the faith healer that such would inevitably be the outcome. The apostle Paul was a sufferer. The nature of his ‘thorn in the flesh’ he did not see fit to give. However, he did make plain the fact that his prayers for healing had not been answered in the physical realm. The comforting answer he received was “My grace is efficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness”. To assure all and sundry who attend faith healing services that they will be cured, I  consider to be  an act of irresponsibility.

So to come to my case. Having moved away from the doctor I had trusted for almost 20 years, I had to find another doctor. My daughter suggested one who had been a medical missionary . That gave a certain confidence – although I stress that we choose a doctor not on those grounds alone. The criterion should be his/her competence as a doctor.

The doctor's first call gave me the opportunity of giving a brief record of my medical history – being 92 meant that it was a far from  brief one! The outcome of that meeting was for the doctor to suggest “We do a PSA”. What the initials stood for I could only guess. I ruled out Pleasant Sunday Afternoon. But soon deduced that it had to do with the prostate. The almost universal reaction of family and friends was that I refuse to have any treatment for the state of my prostate. The reason was usually along the lines that I would outlive any disease of the prostate. I was only  too anxious to agree. But I had an uneasy mind. This was further unsettled by the doctor who assured me of the wisdom of seeing a urologist. The outcome of that visit I predicted would be that I was suffering from some  irregularity of the prostate. It was as I had predicted. A series of X-rays was arranged, and various scans. The result of these was conveyed to me by the doctor. I was suffering from cancer of the prostate and that it had spread to the bones.

The question had to be faced – what now? My doctor suggested a course of treatment that would entail medication and then the implant of a slow release drug in my abdomen. This to be followed every three months by further implants. In conversation with a good friend who happens to be a  surgeon, I was told that this treatment is known as Hormone Therapy Treatment. I wonder why medical students are never given a course on ’communication’. Why do some slip into medical jargon without taking the time to explain it?  In any case I can find out all I need to know on the internet.  I click on google and the whole world opens to my touch!

I will continue by describing my immediate reactions. This may be a few days later.  To be continued

 `````````````````````````````````````````

The matter of Faith healing

 No doubt as you read this page, you may be asking what happened to those for whom you held healing services? I have to say that they did not experience physical healing. But who can say that such is the only healing that takes place? Not for one moment do I dismiss the many accounts of healing that have been recorded. The evidence is too strong for one to take such an attitude. I merely speak of my own observations. Perhaps you might ask why do I not take the words of James, and pray for healing? I must admit that I do not feel that I should do so. I face the facts. I will be 93 in April. Why should I expect that I be healed of the condition from which I suffer? Do I abandon the treatment I have been advised to undergo? That would be an act of faith would it not? And what is this treatment you may ask? It consists of slow release drugs administered by injection every three months.  The reaction after the first implant was considerable pain. I needed morphine to help me cope with it.  It is at this point one begins to question. Were my friends right after all? Had I been persuaded to embark on what they advised against? The mind becomes a merry-go-round of confused ideas.  Ought I to have taken the faith healing route?  That was dismissed immediately from my mind. Or should there be a combination of both - faith and medication? But that is what I call hedging one's bets. It is a case of one or the other. I decided that it should be by medication, cemented by the prayer to accept the will of God and to find peace in doing so. I can testify to the fact that I have absolute peace of mind. The doctor has given me the assurance, after another blood test, that the prostate count - I am not sure how it is measured - is very low. So we continue with the medication.......................

On reflection it may seem that I was too dismissive of faith healing. I have recently read the autobiography of Selwyn Hughes, who may be known to some through his publications 'Every Day with Jesus'. He states that he was miraculously healed - details of which he does not give - and states. "I have witnessed a number of remarkable healings in my life". Who would doubt it? He tells of a Korean Bible School principal who phoned him asking him to meet him at Heathrow airport. He did so, and took him to his home in London where the Korean said that  he was suffering from tuberculosis of the lungs. He was actually coughing blood. He asked Selwyn Hughes to lay his hands on him and pray that he would be healed. He did so. and after a while his hands were lifted and he praised God that he was healed.  When it was obvious his condition had changed he dined eagerly on bacon and eggs - not having eaten, he admitted for days. One would have to be bold to dismiss this as fantasy,

I mention this because Selwyn Hughes devotes a chapter of his book to My Battle with Prostate Cancer I could have written it myself. The similarities are striking. The date of his discovery appears to be 1995. The next chapter is titled 70 Years and still going Strong. I read in New Life a few weeks ago that he had died. It did not give the cause of death. I conjecture that he had survived for ten years. That he was healed of cancer for that period, I was unable to ascertain, but it seemed likely......

Returning to Selwyn Hughes and his battle with prostate cancer. I was struck by the fact that he did not pray for healing, as had been the case with the Korean Bible School principal whose case he mentions. He acknowledges that many others were praying for him. However. he makes this significant statement, 'I am grateful for the expert and excellent medical attention I received, and through it I have had my conviction reinforced that God not only heals directly but also utilises the  discoveries of modern-day medical science. Regular check-ups showed that my PSA (prostate Specific Antigen) blood test had come down to normal and although I was not told that I was clear of cancer, it was obvious that it was in remission".

So there you have it. Mind you the thought of bacon and eggs, particularly if a pork sausage is thrown in does have its appeal, I think I will stick with the  medication!....................

 Returning to the above facts, if I interpret them correctly, Selwyn Hughes survived ten  years after first being diagnosed with prostate cancer. Should my circumstances be the same I will be well past 100 - or is that being too optimistic? I guess so. My family are noted for their longevity, but I would be breaking all records should I become a centenarian!  Rather than speculate over such unlikely happenings. it would be more profitable to consider how best to redeem the time - however long or short that may be.

SIDE-EFFECTS

I suppose one of the problems revolves around what may accompany the disease. One hears so much about side-effects. The danger is that I am not sure to what these side-effects may be related. Are they due to the treatment or have they another cause. I can understand pain, and relate that to the present condition. I have speculated long over the problem of pain. C. S. Lewis wrote a great deal about the problem, and I read his book again recently with more than an academic interest. I confess that I did not gain a great deal from what he had written. Mentally, it was not difficult to be in agreement. Does one have to experience acute pain for his words to become more meaningful? I find it hard to answer. I do not find it easy to accept it without questioning. At least I am glad when it is eased - particularly without the aid of drugs. As for a complete answer we may have to await the time when 'there will be no more pain' for us to be absolutely satisfied.

One side -effect I was initially told to expect was hot flushes. Sixty seven  per cent can expect them. I was soon aware that I was in that group. But my curious mind argued that if I was told about one - there must be others. I turned to the internet to find out. The list of possible side -effects was daunting. My problem is determining what is a side -effect of the medication, or what may be unrelated......................continued

 Side-effects continued..... I have indicated that one problem is to distinguish between a side -effect of the medication, and what may be  quite unrelated. I find myself asking "Is that twinge in my shoulder associated with the bone cancer?  Am I tired because of activity, or is it a side effect?" The best thing to do is just say 'forget it'

One side-effect I have no difficulty in recognising,  is ITCH. Not just an odd itch, but one that takes over every part  of the body- particularly the places I find it hard to reach and scratch! One benefit of going to bed is that I can have a good scratch session! Looking up the side effects on the internet, I found ITCH mentioned. It seems such a trivial thing I have not the nerve to mention it to the doctor. Not that there is likely to be any remedy.  One good thing is that it seems to be at its worst late in the day, which saves me having to scratch when with others. They might jump to the wrong conclusion. If there are other noticeable side-effects, I have yet to encounter them.

Thinking beyond the problem.

I guess one can easily become introspective, and taken up quite unnecessarily with oneself. I am thankful that I have Mona with me for many hours each day. Her condition is such that I am constantly thinking of her situation - which I do when she is not with me. Since she is unable to do a great deal for herself, I find myself anticipating her needs. She does little for herself, but is amazingly content.  She spends most of her hours with me, dozing or sitting seemingly oblivious of her surroundings. But she is there, and I have to be alert to her needs. This has caused me to speculate. I ask myself, which is preferable - to have an active mind in a weak body, or a mind affected by memory loss, in what might well be a healthy body? I see many elderly people, mostly women in the present situation. They appear to be so content, and almost oblivious of the great world outside. As far as I can gather few, if any, have a newspaper. Given the state of the world, it could be argued that they are better off. It is one of the things that suggests that they are. Their creature comforts are cared for, why should they have to think of the situation in Iraq, or the reports of famine, flood and other natural disasters that occupy so much news time? On the many visits I had made to retirement homes, I had noticed a television set. In the common rooms where the elderly gather where I observe them,  television sets are noticeably absent. Is this policy, or is it a mere oversight? It may be that I am looking in the wrong places. I don't know. However, I am  well aware that Mona does not seem to be interested in what she sees on the box. She is spared a great deal! However, there is one noticeable exception. If,  when we are watching Songs of Praise, a hymn familiar to her childhood is being sung, she will join in the singing. It is a case of memory for events that happened years before.

Looking ahead

I acknowledge that having been diagnosed with cancer, there is the tendency to look ahead: to anticipate what may be next. Invariably this might focus on the adverse effects of the disease, and lead to damaging and anxious introspection. But are we not taught  to guard against considering tomorrow? Certain of the teachings of Jesus was directed to this attitude. We are not  "to take thought for the morrow". Today has its own problems, why dwell on what may happen tomorrow.?  But nowhere does our Lord counsel against a wise and prudent consideration of the future.. It is against anxious care He is counselling: the fear of what the morrow may bring. I would argue that it may have a therapeutic effect if we did consider tomorrow.

I loved my garden. I miss it very much. Part of the fascination of a garden is in planting seedlings and in particular seeds. Seedlings are convenient, and we are spared the uncertainties of growing from seed. But growing from seed makes one aware of the weeks or months ahead. The same with a daffodil bulb. When I sow a packet of seeds, my mind travels to the time when the seed will grow into something resembling the picture on the packet. If the ideal is not realised, at least the mind travels to the day when there in an approximation. Suffering from cancer, a garden would focus my mind on the future. The focus has shifted from the present to the future - which I hope to have realised. Is there something therapeutic in that?

I have recently read a biography of Peter Costello. From his earliest years he was a supporter of Essendon the Australian Rules team. But that team changes over the years, so he can never be supporting the same team - it is just Essendon. All his hopes for the club he supports is that they may win the finals. He lives in the hope that it may be so. I can understand this.

As a boy I supported Hull City the English football club. When I could afford it I went to see them play. I can still name the goalkeeper and the two full backs after an 80 year interval - Maddison, Gibson and Bell.  I have never ceased supporting them -if one can speak as 'supporting' when merely keeping alert to what they have achieved over the years. There was a time when they were almost promoted to the first division - now the Premier League. On one occasion they were beaten by Arsenal one nil in a semi-final cup tie.  I watched the team sink over the years until they languished in the lowest division. Yet my belief that they would one day justify my hopes for them never wavered. I was hoping that this present season would seem them in the Premier League. Alas, that is unlikely. They will do well to survive where they are now. The point I am making is that I live in the hope that they will succeed. Is there an incentive there to keep alive? What I am trying to say is that we may help ourselves by looking ahead. It can be therapeutic.  In other words wait for the investment in time, hope and anticipation to yield results....

 What do others think..................

 Liker it or not I cannot escape the fact that those who call in from time to time come to conclusions. Realising this I endeavour to present the situation in the best possible light. We are all concerned as to what people think of us. And it is equally true that we may strive to be seen in the best possible light. I plead guilty.

Robert Burns captured the foolishness of such an attitude when he wrote "To a louse".  Sitting behind a 'lady' in church and dressed for the occasion he noticed a head louse crawling on the ribbons and bows on her bonnet. The last verse of his poem - and I translate it for the sake of those unfamiliar with the Scottish- reads....

O, would some power the gift to give us

.....to see ourselves as others see us.

It would from many a blunder free us

.....and foolish notion.

What airs in dress and gait would leave us

     and even devotion

But we do not see ourselves as others see us. We might be chastened if we knew their thoughts.  We may imagine that we do: that we have presented the best possible picture. We deceive ourselves. I have to ask myself if my optimism is not misplaced .Am I giving a true picture? On the other hand do I seek to act and speak as if I know more than I really do? Am I too optimistic? It is so easy to 'give impressions'. Alas others may not see what we endeavoured to present. I feel that suffering from cancer gives us the occasion of showing the side we hope will be seen. How does one avoid it? I am discovering that one way is to talk less and listen more. I talk too much. Then again I have considered that the damage has already been done. The number of visitors has lessened. Is the lack of visitors my own fault? Or is there the feeling of embarrassment on the part of those who do not know what to say to someone with cancer. I don't know. I suspect the latter. Of course life is busy for most people and my expectations may be set too high. I think I understand when they have other things to occupy them.

Aspects of the Parable of the Good Samaritan

This has caused me to look at the Parable of the Good Samaritan in a new way. The other characters in the story - or was it an event? - are worth considering. What was the attitude of the priest, Levite, and innkeeper, as well as the Good Samaritan? It would appear that the priest and Levite who passed the victim of the bashing on the other side regarded him as an .....

Inconvenience to be avoided.

 They were hurrying to Jerusalem to fulfil their religious duties. To give time to a victim of a mugging was an interruption to their busy day. They were not unkind individuals. They were very religious. Normally they would have stayed with the unfortunate traveller until help could be organised. But they were busy. They could rationalise their attitude: they were not responsible for the travellers predicament.   And they had other things to do.  How often do we act in much the same way. How often do the 'other things' shape our conduct? Then there is the innkeeper. What was his attitude to the traveller?  Might we say that he saw in him a..

Customer to be served

This is not to say that his inn was not up to standard. His rooms were comfortable and clean. His food ample and nourishing. His service could not be faulted. The Samaritan would not have arranged for the man to stay there, if this had not been the case. However, the fact remains he did not match the Samaritan in his attitude. The point being stressed is that when the care of others is given into the hands of paid agents, there is no guarantee that it will be accompanied by compassion. The recent scandals in some nursing homes has provided evidence of culpable neglect - even abuse - of the elderly entrusted to their care. Their attitude was that they regarded the elderly as customers to be served. The bottom line was profit. That they went beyond their duties to exploit their customers only makes their behaviour the more deserving of blame. This is not to say all paid agents fall into this category. The overwhelming number do not. Nevertheless, the point the parable stresses is that the innkeeper, however laudable his efforts might have been, is NOT a 'good Samaritan'. Which leads to the main character of the story. the Good Samaritan' He saw the unfortunate traveller as a....

 Neighbour to be helped

Jesus related the incident in answer to a question "Who is my neighbour? A teacher of the law asked Jesus how he might have eternal life. The answer was that he should "love God...and his neighbour as himself" The lawyer narrowed the question, asking, "But who is my neighbour'? Rather than give a direct answer Jesus told  the story of the Good Samaritan. It ended with the question to the lawyer, "Who do you think was neighbour to the man who fell among the thieves?" To admit it was a Samaritan was more than he was prepared to admit. The Samaritans were despised by the Jews. He reluctantly replied "I suppose the man who helped him." "Go and do the same," Jesus answered.

The lesson Jesus was teaching is that even an enemy may be a 'neighbour'. It is not popular teaching. Indeed it is revolutionary. Some localities have grouped together in what is known as "Neighbourhood watch" . Which suggests that the individuals in the group are alert to the needs of their neighbours. What a different place the world would be if we were always alert to the needs of others!

 I hope that I will be forgiven that little sermon. But surrounded by those in need of care, it came very readily to my mind.

The Matter of Moods

 It is inevitable that during any illness, particularly one that is life-threatening, that there will be days when the mood is all optimistic. We love clutching  at straws - there is always the chance they may become more solid and enduring. We make the most of days when the mood is sunny and bright. It is a fact that they do not endure as long as we would wish. I strive to understand what governs the moods of depression..

Perhaps the weather plays a part. On a sunny autumn day, when the breeze is soft, and the birds sing, and flowers take on a more colourful radiance, we would be miserable indeed, if we did not find something to cheer the spirit. But the weather is fickle. Melbournians know that only too well - four seasons on one day - they say. And they are right. Within a few hours the temperature can drop ten degrees, The clouds gather and everything is grey. I write this a few days after parts of Queensland suffered the sudden and destructive force of a cyclone. Hundreds of people were stripped of their possessions in a matter of minutes. One measures one's circumstances against what they suffered, and counts one's blessings. But that, fortunately, is something that does not strike every day. Yet I suspect the weather does have a part to play in our moods.

The news plays a part. I am not thinking of the international scene, though that is depressing enough, but events that are much nearer to our circumstances. The death of a friend or relative, can darken our day, and we have a mood of sad reflection. But  there is usually  a measure of gladness even in these situations when we reflect on the influence of the life of the one taken from our midst.

 Sometimes when we feel frustrated we can brood over what we consider the injustice of it. For months I have been fighting the mood of frustration. I bought a room in a Retirement Village on the basis that it was quiet, had nice views, and was free from the sound of traffic. I was also provided with a list of my responsibilities. I was required to care for the property. I was not permitted to have any one stay overnight. I was reminded that I could not have pets - a dog or cat.  Many more along the same lines. I happily agreed to all the conditions. The Agreement did state that I would be 'allowed to occupy the unit without any interruption or disturbance...' And further that those responsible would 'use their best endeavours to promote my physical, mental, moral and spiritual welfare .'  Within a few months of settling alterations began. Bull dozers came in, excavators got busy, and the consequent din was at times unbearable. I could remove my deaf aids, but that was an expedient I ought not to have had recourse to. When the banging has been  persistent, the headaches that result from it have to be relieved through panadol. Then  the adjacent building was extended and 25% of my view went to be replaced by a concrete wall. Then across my window a covered walk was erected, taking another 25% of the view. I was not asked if I would agree to these drastic changes - changes that have been going on for about a year. They were undertaken without thought for what I might feel. It is difficult when looking out of my window  and seeing what confronts  me, not to feel aggrieved. But that is not all. Added to that is the lack of concern for my feelings, and the knowledge that to raise the issue with the powers that be, even though it received an apology would be unproductive - the damage to my peace of mind and general health has been done.

The antidote to these  moods is to dwell on what I have that many do not have - a roof over my head, food without the fear that it will cease. Counting one's blessings does much to dispel the mood of depression. It is a subject I may turn to again......

Moods ............... time for reflection

Reading through The Acts of the Apostles, I was thinking more carefully about the occasion when the Apostle Paul may have surrendered to a mood of pessimism. Things were not going too well at Corinth, Acts 18. After speaking for some weeks in the synagogue, the orthodox Jews soon displayed hostility - so intense that Paul 'shook out his garments' a symbolic way of saying that he had no more to say adding, ' your blood be on your own heads! I am clean. From now on I shall go to the Gentiles".  It was not a decision to be taken lightly, and Paul must have debated within himself the wisdom of it. Was he depressed? Did the mood overtake him? The incident suggests that he was, or why should the Lord appear to him in a vision saying 'Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent: for I am with you, and no man will attack you in order to harm you, for I have many people in this city'. It is significant that his fears were answered in a way he might not have anticipated. For eighteen months he continued teaching, and many believed, with the result that the unbelieving Jews struck again. Hauling him before the proconsul Gallio, they charged him with speaking contrary to the Law. Gallio was not impressed, and they were driven from the place of justice. Sosthenes a leader in the a synagogue, the ringleader in the attack, was beaten up and Gallio shrugged his shoulders as much as to say, "You deserve all that you got".  Did Paul have in mind these experiences when writing to the Corinthians he refers to 'fightings without, and fears within'? That he was depressed at Corinth he leaves us in no doubt when he says 'God who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus'.

What then is the lesson in all this? For some days a combination of circumstances have driven the sunshine from my sky. It is easy to dwell on them. To emphasise the negatives. There come times when it is best to postpone judgment, and to wait to see 'what He will do'. It was the blind preacher George Matheson who wrote, 'I trace the rainbow through the rain'.

Being near Easter the mind needs to focus on the cross and all the benefits of our Saviour's passion, as did George Matheson. He went on to write, 'O cross that lifteth up my head...' There could be no more compelling exercise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ten ways not to waste your Cancer

My good friend Don Prout keeps me in reading matter, not only by way of books, but assorted magazines. Evangelicals Now is an  English magazine which brings me up-to-date with things on the scene in England. One of the main articles in the issue I have is under the heading "Ten ways not to waste your cancer.

The article is by a Baptist pastor Rev John Piper of the Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, It was written on the eve of his undergoing surgery for prostate cancer. Much of what he says, I have covered by comments on this page. However, there are emphases which I think are deserving of mention.

 One of his ways reads, 'You will not waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than God. I agree completely with what he says, but feel he says it in an illuminating way...'The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment) but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20,7). ...The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on Him." What an interesting use of Psalm 20!

Another of his ways - You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer, and not enough time reading about God. There is a danger, particularly if one has a curious mind. I plead guilty. My initial reaction to being diagnosed was to find out all I could. Thankfully I have got over the phase. The pastor says, 'It is not wrong to know about cancer. Ignorance is not a virtue. But the lure to know more and more, and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief. Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God.

One more among those he lists is  - You will waste your cancer  if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of God. I feel this needs to be emphasised. From the beginning I saw this as one of the means whereby it could be used, I reflect on the scriptures I have alluded to; the little homilies I have given, and the references to God as the source of all comfort. It is an opportunity to show that He is worth more than life. One trusts that other sufferers will find it has been a help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts on trade unionism

I have had no close connections with trade unionism but lately have had cause to consider. Two trade union flags fly over the building work which has been conducted with ear shattering noise for many months outside my room. They have given me the opportunity to reflect. No one in authority has been to see me, to ask how I was coping, and to inquire  if any thing might be done through these many months to make life easier, The sawing of all the timber required for the extensions right outside my room would never have been permitted. However, had I been a member of the union things would have been different I suspect. The brothers would have closed the site down until my rights had been addressed. Suggestions would not necessarily have been offered,  but demands would certainly have been made. The shop steward would have been active in next to no time, But alas they have the kind of clout I could never hope to have. Had there been an authority militant enough to see to my circumstances Coping with cancer would have been much easier.

BATTLING BOREDOM

So often when reading obituaries one meets the words "...after a long battle with cancer". The words seem to be associated with cancer more than other ailments. I see that Earl Woods, the father of Tiger Woods the golfer, died recently  after an eight year battle with cancer. From my experience there can be another battle - the battle with boredom. Perhaps my circumstances are more likely to breed boredom than others. The believers at Corinth had to be reminded to do things 'decently and in order'.  They needed such admonition, for things seemed to be getting out of hand - even in their worship. But order can be carried too far. It was William, Cowper, the friend of John Newton at Olney in Buckinghamshire who wrote in his epic The Task, 'For Variety's the very spice of life', that gives it all its flavour'.

But it is not always easy to have variety - this spice of life. Hence the battle. Indeed boredom I suggest can take the form of a battle. One must allow that there has to be a certain order about institutional life. Meals are at set times. However much one would like to sleep in, it is not always easy to do so without upsetting the order. To live for the most part 22 hours a day in the same room leaves little room for variety. Order has precedence over variety. To make sure that order does not stifle variety altogether, some days takes on the form of a battle - or shall I say a skirmish?

I must count my blessings more. I have as many books as I can read. One is grateful to those friends who also love books, and use their wisdom in selecting those they have discovered are to my taste. But reading can be boring - however entertaining the volume. There is so little on the Television that appeals, that such as it does provide easily bores. Now if test cricket filled the screen more often, that would entertainingly fill otherwise empty hours!!  My computer screen fills far more of my time than the TV screen. Its scope is almost endless. The computer  provides such an easy form of communication that emails are one tool which can be employed to help  defy boredom. This website to which I am adding now opens fascinating doors to a wider world. How pleased I am that I discovered it when I did.  I had a note from a  relative in England the other day I did not know existed . He had stumbled on my website, and someone had informed him as to his relationship with the one responsible for the George Lazenby Commentary. That's what I call Serendipity!

Of course not  everyone reading this will have cancer. Nor will they be bored. But one never knows. And what have I to say to such? Be sure to find time for the things that interest, and please, and try to discover some variety, for as Cowper said, '...it is the spice of life. Most of all.... Make time to rediscover the amazing variety of rich experiences to be found in your Bible